Discovering
the Way to Walk Out of Fear – Part Nine
Develop Positive
Relationships
The most
important thing in life is relationships. I’ve always been a
people-oriented person. That sounds funny now knowing that I spent the majority
of my life fearing the very people I chose to be around. However, that was the
key – my choices. I wanted so desperately to be liked that I allowed my choices
to be dictated by what others thought I needed instead of what I really wanted.
I can’t tell you how many bad relationships I had simply because they wanted to
be in my life – I didn’t have the courage to walk away from a negative
relationship. Normally when I was in a relationship with a toxic person, it led
me into situations that were harmful for me.
It’s astounding
how we choose the people we let into our lives. If you know who you are and
have a strong belief in yourself, one good relationship leads to another and
another. However, if you are still trying to figure out your true identity,
anyone who comes along is capable of attaching themselves to you – good or bad.
When I was younger, it seemed like I had an invisible tattoo on my forehead that
shouted to all morally corrupt people “Pick me, pick me!” because they usually
did.
Set Boundaries
Boundaries is last on my list of life skills. In my youth, my boundaries were so
indefinable that I allowed anyone or anything to invade my place of safety.
Even though I didn’t trust people, I still immediately let my guard down and
let them in. All they had to say was, “I like you,” and I’d throw caution to
the wind. Of course, if they were up to no good, it didn’t take long before
they showed their true colors. Unfortunately, by then, they had already
infiltrated my life to the point it was impossible to avoid the consequences of
their ties.
On the other
hand, some people build such high walls around them -- for fear of getting hurt
once again -- that they miss opportunities to mingle with some of the “greats”
in this world. Either way, fear has been the common denominator in boundary
failure.
As a teenager, I
often felt overwhelmed by my circumstances. I couldn’t seem to weed through all
the unpredictability that the adults around me sometimes displayed. Fear of the
unknown seemed to paralyze me.
Now that I have
survived those tumultuous years, I can confidently tell you to hang on to your
dreams. The future will get brighter and the path through life will bring new
horizons that are worthy of your patience.
What are people
to do when they are so enveloped in fear? How can you begin to see yourself as
you truly are if you feel unworthy to be loved and respected?
Your first step
should be to take a short walk to the nearest mirror and look straight in it.
Tell yourself what a wonderful person you really are. Did you know God didn’t
make any junk? We just allowed debris to clutter our thinking until we no
longer see the beauty that lies within us.
As infants, we
laugh and play and see ourselves as cute little characters, because most of the
time the attention is all on us. Then, as we grow into toddlers, we somehow
want to flex our muscles and stretch our personalities. Before long, we begin
to think it’s our little world and somehow we are responsible for everything
that happens in it. So, if anything goes wrong, we somehow think it’s our fault
-- in our minds, we were in charge of our world. That’s where all the fear
begins. We begin to take on elements of guilt and shame that we shouldn’t take
on. If our parents are emotionally healthy, chances are good we will follow
their example and develop as we should.
I’m sad to say,
nowadays -- more often than not -- children are influenced by parents who have
very little control over their own emotions. These parents find it impossible
to guide their children in a direction that will enable them to have a bright
future.
I’m convinced
that everyone comes into this world as a good person. Unfortunately, the trials
of life often turn people into anything but what they intended to become.
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