Tenacity

 

 

Tremendous Tenacity

 

One day a lady asked me, "Victoria Lee, with all the trials and tribulations you've endured what has kept you charging ahead and never giving up?"  With tears of thankfulness I replied, "It's all I know to do."

 

Have you ever looked back over your life and wondered how you made it through each obstacle?  Didn't you let out a sign of relief meshed with a little bewilderment that you were still around to talk about it? 

 

We all have this incredible reservoir of tenacity that continues to show up just at the exact moment we need it.

 

I once heard the president of a great university say, "When things get tough the quickest way to climb over the heap of discouragement is to rehearse your past victories."

 

I've found that statement to be true in my own life.  I've also come to realize that if you keep your heart open and ready to receive the good things that life has to offer then good things have a way of finding their way to you.

 

It's not by chance that you've been given opportunities to rehearse past victories, but it is a choice whether or not you really do.

 

Take a moment to reflect back over the past few years.  Even in the midst of a trial there was a part of you that kept screaming out a victory song even when the bugles were drowning out the tune.  Life is a beautiful journey if we let it be.

 

Remember, "Don't Just Think It, Make It Happen!"

 

Be Blessed, Victoria Lee

 

 

www.makingithappentv.com 



Step Out and Step In

Step Out and Step In

 

I remember years ago I was quite certain of the direction I wanted to go with my life.  However, ignorantly I thought I was supposed to wait until the doors flew open for me.  It seems silly now, but at the time it sounded like the truth.  So, I waited and waited and waited and yet nothing happened.  The silence of opened doors was deafening. 

 

Then one day out of shear frustration, I decided to take a chance and do something that caused me to step outside the box.  You know what?  The sky didn't fall and no one slapped me on the hands for taking some inititive.  Instead, the feeling of accomplishment felt so good I just had to have more.

 

Little by little I started getting more daring.  And before I knew it I was stepping into arenas I thought were way out of my reach.  Every little step gave me more confidence.  Then one day I realized the doors I thought would open on their own needed to be unlatched in my mind first, before I was free to step in through them.

 

Stepping Out was a Step of Faith, but Stepping In was the result of my actions.

 

Remember, "Don't Just Think It, Make It Happen!"

 

 

www.makingithappentv.com 

 



Who Am I and Where Do I Belong?

 

Who Am I and Where Do I Belong?

 

Over the course of several years, I have had the opportunity to interview hundreds of successful people.  It became very evident that through the course of their lives their successes came when they were able to tap into the real essence of who they are. 

We all are on this incredible journey through life.  Yet, so many people fail to recognize their own worth.  Therefore they miss some of the most amazing opportunities that could have brought them immense satisfaction.

Who Am I and Where Do I Belong is a question that resides in the minds of people all over the world.  But how do they get the answer to that life-changing question?

Each individual is on a path that requires their own personal journey.  The answer is in the journey, if we don't camp out too long at the roadside park.

I'd like to share with you a quote from a profile I wrote about Dennis Jernigan who I interviewed in my book "Distinguished Oklahomans".  Dennis found the answer to the lifelong question.

"I personally believe that if we find our identity, we will find our destiny.  If we know our identity and our destiny, then we have powerful tools at our disposal for tearing down old habits and for shattering the hidden places in our hearts."  Dennis Jernigan

www.makingithappentv.com  

Discovering the Way to Walk Out of Fear – Part Ten

Discovering the Way to Walk Out of Fear – Part Ten

 

I have an acquaintance that is a newspaper columnist. Every week for years, she has been writing a column titled, “Think On These Things.” She intends for every thought-provoking article to lead readers in an inspiring journey to better themselves through positive interactions. Her formula works. What a man thinks about himself, he eventually becomes whether -- negative or positive.

 

The newspapers and television reports are full of stories of people who take out their feelings of unworthiness on others through acts of violence. There are daily reports of people who attempt to take their own lives because the effort to survive just didn’t seem worth it any longer.

 

I’m here to tell you Life is worth it. Episodes of violence, depression, and anxiety are all symptoms of how you see yourself. You have to make a quality decision to have a better life. It’s all up to you.

 

When I finally decided that I was tired of feeling the pain of rejection, guilt, and shame, life started taking on a whole new meaning. I’m not saying it improved overnight, but my decision to make the change started the ball rolling.

 

I encourage anyone who is wrestling with feelings of unworthiness to take another look in the mirror. A devoted friend once told me, “It’s never too late to reclaim your life.” Life is full of second, third and fourth chances.

 

There is a passage in the Bible that says, “Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning.” How many times have we seen that to be true? How many times has it seemed like the sun would never shine in our life again, and yet it did?

 

I’ve raised four children, founded, owned and operated my own business, interviewed hundreds of influential people, written several books, became the host of my own television show and walked through many volatile doors that some will never enter. Most of my life has been a scary roller coaster ride, but I made it and I’m here to tell my story of survival and restoration. I only hope that others can learn from my mistakes and continue their journey with renewed enthusiasm for all the great things that are in store for their future.

 

Several years ago, I told someone that I wished I was farther along in my journey of self-discovery – I felt like I had wasted too many years of my life. The person I was addressing said, “No, you are right where you are supposed to be.”

 

I didn’t accept that statement then, and I don’t now -- life isn’t supposed to be devoured by mishaps and fearful events. Oh, it’s true that where we are is right where we are supposed to be if we don’t know any better. However, I look forward to the day when young people in crisis situations receive the tools they need to rescue themselves sooner than later. I’m waiting for the day when teenagers and young adults have the courage to stand up on the inside and stay standing. I long for the day when they can laugh at themselves for making mistakes and use them as learning tools. It will be a wonderful day when they can say “no” to others who are only there to harm them and “yes” to those who desire to teach them great truths.

 

Even in the midst of a world that seems overly chaotic at times, this journey through life has the potential to be exciting and wondrous. Bad things happen to good people, but the mishaps don’t have to defeat them. Examine yourself and see what changes need to be made in order to live a more fulfilled life.

 

Action steps to take now:

 

1.    Speak only the truth about yourself.

2.    Don’t allow negative thoughts to invade your soul.

  3.  When times are tough, rehearse your victories. They will give you strength.

  4.  You deserve to be happy, so let it happen.

  5.  Don’t allow yourself to be ridiculed and mistreated.

  6.  Look for the silver lining in all situations.

  7.  Go where you are celebrated not just tolerated.

  8. Give yourself time to grow into the shoes only you were meant to wear. You were created for greatness; don’t settle for mediocrity.

  9.  Above all, develop a “NO FEAR” attitude.

Decide once and for all that you are a good person who is worthy to be acknowledged, respected, and loved.

 10. Remember, It’s not over, until you WIN!

 

 

 

 

 

Discovering the Way to Walk Out of Fear – Part Nine

Discovering the Way to Walk Out of Fear – Part Nine

 

Develop Positive Relationships

 

The most important thing in life is relationships. I’ve always been a people-oriented person. That sounds funny now knowing that I spent the majority of my life fearing the very people I chose to be around. However, that was the key – my choices. I wanted so desperately to be liked that I allowed my choices to be dictated by what others thought I needed instead of what I really wanted. I can’t tell you how many bad relationships I had simply because they wanted to be in my life – I didn’t have the courage to walk away from a negative relationship. Normally when I was in a relationship with a toxic person, it led me into situations that were harmful for me.

 

It’s astounding how we choose the people we let into our lives. If you know who you are and have a strong belief in yourself, one good relationship leads to another and another. However, if you are still trying to figure out your true identity, anyone who comes along is capable of attaching themselves to you – good or bad. When I was younger, it seemed like I had an invisible tattoo on my forehead that shouted to all morally corrupt people “Pick me, pick me!” because they usually did.

 

Set Boundaries

 

Boundaries is last on my list of life skills. In my youth, my boundaries were so indefinable that I allowed anyone or anything to invade my place of safety. Even though I didn’t trust people, I still immediately let my guard down and let them in. All they had to say was, “I like you,” and I’d throw caution to the wind. Of course, if they were up to no good, it didn’t take long before they showed their true colors. Unfortunately, by then, they had already infiltrated my life to the point it was impossible to avoid the consequences of their ties.

 

On the other hand, some people build such high walls around them -- for fear of getting hurt once again -- that they miss opportunities to mingle with some of the “greats” in this world. Either way, fear has been the common denominator in boundary failure.

 

As a teenager, I often felt overwhelmed by my circumstances. I couldn’t seem to weed through all the unpredictability that the adults around me sometimes displayed. Fear of the unknown seemed to paralyze me.

Now that I have survived those tumultuous years, I can confidently tell you to hang on to your dreams. The future will get brighter and the path through life will bring new horizons that are worthy of your patience.

 

What are people to do when they are so enveloped in fear? How can you begin to see yourself as you truly are if you feel unworthy to be loved and respected?

 

Your first step should be to take a short walk to the nearest mirror and look straight in it. Tell yourself what a wonderful person you really are. Did you know God didn’t make any junk? We just allowed debris to clutter our thinking until we no longer see the beauty that lies within us.

 

As infants, we laugh and play and see ourselves as cute little characters, because most of the time the attention is all on us. Then, as we grow into toddlers, we somehow want to flex our muscles and stretch our personalities. Before long, we begin to think it’s our little world and somehow we are responsible for everything that happens in it. So, if anything goes wrong, we somehow think it’s our fault -- in our minds, we were in charge of our world. That’s where all the fear begins. We begin to take on elements of guilt and shame that we shouldn’t take on. If our parents are emotionally healthy, chances are good we will follow their example and develop as we should.

 

I’m sad to say, nowadays -- more often than not -- children are influenced by parents who have very little control over their own emotions. These parents find it impossible to guide their children in a direction that will enable them to have a bright future.

 

I’m convinced that everyone comes into this world as a good person. Unfortunately, the trials of life often turn people into anything but what they intended to become.

 

 

 

 

 

Discovering the Way to Walk Out of Fear – Part Eight

 

Learn to Build Trust

 

Intimate relationships were also a struggle for me. Whether with my parents, siblings, or friends – I just never felt safe in my own skin. Most of the time, I could fake it and make others think I had everything under control. The only thing I really had under control was the massive amount of fear I allowed to come into my life on a daily basis. What’s so funny is it didn’t have to be that way -- I just didn’t know that at the time.

 

Have you ever heard the word “intimacy” defined as “into me see” -- that is so true. Real intimacy means allowing ourselves to be vulnerable with the ones we love -- of course, only the ones that have our best interest at heart. However, those of us who struggle with fear are usually afraid to let anyone get too close because we’re just sure they are going to see something ugly and reject us.

 

Early on, I had witnessed so much betrayal that I decided that most people couldn’t be trusted. Ironically, I blindly trusted everyone because I feared the repercussions if I didn’t. Fear warped my definition of trust so that when the truth came, I couldn’t recognize it.

 

Learn the Art of Communication

 

You know you really can’t have true communication unless there are at least two people contributing meaningful information. It’s amazing how many times I forfeited my equal opportunity in conversations and allowed them to slant in someone else’s favor. Fear so often motivated me to relinquish my opinion.

 

In my early dating years, a young man asked me to go out to dinner with him and we were going to join a married couple that we both knew. I was so excited because he had a flashy sports car. It was only a two-seater so I knew the other couple would have to take their four-door sedan and follow us to our destination. To my great disappointment, the other couple had what they thought was a better idea. They felt sure it would be more convenient if we all rode together in their roomy sedan. For fear of being tagged as a troublemaker, I never let my wishes be known and I never had another opportunity to speed down the highway in his shiny Jaguar.

 

Fear is a thief.

Fear tells lies to you and about you.

Fear causes you to miss some wonderful opportunities.

Learn to Respect, Honor, and Interact with Authority

One critical skill I thought I would never feel safe with was how to co-mingle with a person in authority. In hindsight, I can see now that I had a misguided view of authority. Authority is good when it is attached to someone who is looking out for your best interest. However, when it dictates your future in a way that brings harm to you or someone you love, then it’s wrong. Why do we allow people to bulldoze themselves into our lives when we know in our hearts their intent is wrong? Fear!

 

Several years ago, I got involved with a group of individuals that were supposed to be teaching others how to live life in a Christian manner. I had always leaned heavily toward spiritually enriching myself. So, when they entered my life, I anticipated taking one giant step forward. To my regret, the steps of increase could only be taken with their precise approval. I thought to myself, “Oh great! Once again, I’ve fallen into a deep hole.” I was too fearful to escape. I did learn, however, the difference in authority and control.

 

 

 

 

 

Discovering the Way to Walk Out of Fear – Part Seven

Discovering the Way to Walk Out of Fear – Part Seven

 

 

Make Good, Confident Decisions

 

Decisions were a total maze for me. I was so confident in the belief that everyone else knew more than I did. Guess what? They didn’t. However, I believed their opinion was so far above mine that I continued to accept their desires rather than my own. I needed someone to tell me that I could make good decisions. Ironically, no one ever did because they didn’t know they needed to.

 

The first time I looked for a job, I accepted employment at a place I didn’t even want to work. Since they willingly hired me, I felt compelled to accept. That decision kept me tied to an area of service for years simply because it earmarked me in a certain direction. Knowing how to make proper decisions would have saved me a lot of time and anguish.

 

Be Organized

 

I had a dreadful time when it came to organizing clutter. Oh, I could do it for short periods of time. However, confusion would eventually set in, and I’d be right back where I started. The pressure to reorganize was too stressful, so I put it off until another time.

 

Have you ever had your desk at school or work so cluttered that you had to dig through every paper on it trying to find that little scrap of paper you wrote a phone number down on? It would have been so easy to write the number in your address book when you first received it or program it into your cell phone. Somehow, the clutter mode kicked into gear before that was able to happen.

 

I wish I could back up and redo a lot of my decisions and actions of the past, but I can’t -- that season is over. As a friend of mine once said, “This life is not a practice run. It is the real thing.” We only get one time to go around, so make it on your terms – make it a life that is good for you as well as those around you.